The only love which has lasted
is the love which has everything.
Every Disappointment, every failure,
which has accepted the fact that
in the end there is no desire
so deep
as the simple desire for
being with each other.
Author Graham Greene
Worry not about who, when, where, why...
Work on being honest...
with self, and with others...
For in honesty, real truth
Comes the strongest love
The love of a lifetime!
AL
Tuesday, December 06, 2005
Monday, November 28, 2005
Thanksgiving
thanks·giv·ing ( P ) Pronunciation Key (thngks-gvng)
n.
An act of giving thanks; an expression of gratitude, especially to God: a hymn of thanksgiving.
Thanksgiving- Thanksgiving Day.
What does it mean to you?
My list goes something like this...
I am thankful for my children, my partner, my health
for a job/career that I enjoy
for family and friends that love me.
This list could go on forever...
I am eternally grateful that my soul found its mate. Such peace is not something I have been accustomed to in my life.
Some beleive in destiny
Some beleive in fate
I beleive that happiness
Is something we create
Coming from a cult-like, abusive and traumatic past;
I beleive we must face our fears.
I have learned much about myself in the past 2 years.
A spiritual awakening so-to-speak.
Growing up into learning our sexual experiences, our relationship experiences,and our money making/spending experiences is natural.
Being called to those by trauma is NOT OK!
This leads me to a part of my evolution as a man that makes me beleive...
I owe it first to myself, to my children, and my partner to
LIVE! LIVE! LIVE! above my past.
Sure it will always be a part of the fabric that makes up who I am. So I cannot cut it away... or throw it out. But, I can let the beautiful colors of happiness shine so bright that those tattered yarns of the past fade into the background.
Fulfillment is an amzing thing. It allows everyone to see the real me. But more inmportantly, it allows ME to see the real me. Thus allowing me to love myself. Past, present and future!
By loving myself, I am blessed, and able to bless those around me.
Able to lift the heart of a fellow man who is going through the not-so-great times of his or her life.
How can I love someone as they should be loved, without first loving myself?
Perhaps it would do us all good to start a gratitude journal. Where each day we must list at least 3 things we are grateful for. I know from experience that it makes me focus on the things that should be a priority, instead of wallowing in the thoughts of things that were ugly or out of my control.
Having said all of this, I am thankful for my life as it is today.
For in this experience there is a lesson, that will guide me forward in my evolution of mind, body and soul.
Giving Thanks Always
AL
Monday, October 24, 2005
Life as we know it...
A trip to New Orleans, LA was very moving... I now have a clear understanding of how people's lives can be completely wiped away by a natural disaster.
An entire city has been devastated. Thankfully the French Quarter has survived with mostly some wind damage. So the culture of Mardi Gras can live on. I was releaved to see life moving, and flowing in that part of the city. Signs hang from balconies saying " Proud to be Home".
The downtown desolate from absense of life. Military vehicles lumber slowly along reminding you of a third world war scene. Military men patrol chain link fences with guns slug over their shoulders. Cars caved in from debris haven fallen crushin them beneath is weight. Glass missin from large parts of tall towers. And even more disturbing the stores that survived with less damaged.. doors boarded from where they were looted. Proof that in times of panic, people will do anything to survive.
We drove through areas that were miles and miles long. Dead grass, dead trees, sludge lines making their dark lines on the houses, buildings and cars. Windows broken, curtains whip in the wind... cars covered in a salty layer. some washed against houses and buildings, other parked in the drive of thier respective homes. Medians parked full of cars where owners thought they would be safe away from storm sewers and off the street. Broken trees jutting through rooftops. Old, beautiful buildings scared with ugly lines. Bright painted numbers on the door or near it reflect numbers of lives lost in that home, water height, even listing a dog, a cat. The contrasting paint looking like a sore with the scab ripped off, or some marking that makes this spot a "labeled part" of the horror.
You come to a stoplight.. that once turned red, yellow, green... now dead. On your right... Mcdonalds sits empty, the sign shattered across the parking lot, the doors to the kitchen swing open in the breeze. Dark lines mark the windows where water reached 6 or 8 feet high. On the left the Walgreen's drug store has plywood over the doors. A truck parked across the sidewalk, as if someone was racing for a safe place, left the door hanging open.. now corroding as salt eats its finish. The opposite corner a Pet Clinic, doors ripped off with large numbers in hot pink painted on the glass. And finally the last corner... A car lot full of once new cars, that seem to be frozen in a dusted state like an old statue, or a dust storm has coated them over. The stench coming from the street drain lets you know the dark pipes below became the final resting place of something that once lived and breathed.
Up the road a hotel towers above the horizon. Windows shattered out, drapes hanging drearily in open air. The sign missin letters... deserted vans parked under the entry canopy, the valet carts lay strewn out into the gutters. Empty streets as far as the eye can see... No dogs, stray cats or even birds in the brown crusted trees.
It's as if a bomb took all life in one swift motion.
Restaurants where the power has been restored have lines out the doors. The wait staff behind the counter look exhausted. Shortened hours have them closing at dark, for fear they will be robbed and looted. Or from lack of help to run the place. Every business with power boasts a sign " Now Hiring". Some of the people you see who appear to be locals seem in a trance.
They pack their cars, trucks and the occasional u-haul with salvaged parts of their lives and head north on I-10. Other locals proclaim thier pride and intention of rebuilding.
As you tour the city.. a eeriness creeps over you. As if there is a dampness that broods on you.
Realization strikes as you see people piling what once was their prized possessions by the curb to be hauled away. "This city may never fully return to its previous greatness." Yet one site of the swinging hammer makes you want to jump in and help. One tiny flower blooming makes you want to rush to it, washing it with clear water. Hope! That Life will return!
GOD BLESS ALL... who return and rebuild!
An entire city has been devastated. Thankfully the French Quarter has survived with mostly some wind damage. So the culture of Mardi Gras can live on. I was releaved to see life moving, and flowing in that part of the city. Signs hang from balconies saying " Proud to be Home".
The downtown desolate from absense of life. Military vehicles lumber slowly along reminding you of a third world war scene. Military men patrol chain link fences with guns slug over their shoulders. Cars caved in from debris haven fallen crushin them beneath is weight. Glass missin from large parts of tall towers. And even more disturbing the stores that survived with less damaged.. doors boarded from where they were looted. Proof that in times of panic, people will do anything to survive.
We drove through areas that were miles and miles long. Dead grass, dead trees, sludge lines making their dark lines on the houses, buildings and cars. Windows broken, curtains whip in the wind... cars covered in a salty layer. some washed against houses and buildings, other parked in the drive of thier respective homes. Medians parked full of cars where owners thought they would be safe away from storm sewers and off the street. Broken trees jutting through rooftops. Old, beautiful buildings scared with ugly lines. Bright painted numbers on the door or near it reflect numbers of lives lost in that home, water height, even listing a dog, a cat. The contrasting paint looking like a sore with the scab ripped off, or some marking that makes this spot a "labeled part" of the horror.
You come to a stoplight.. that once turned red, yellow, green... now dead. On your right... Mcdonalds sits empty, the sign shattered across the parking lot, the doors to the kitchen swing open in the breeze. Dark lines mark the windows where water reached 6 or 8 feet high. On the left the Walgreen's drug store has plywood over the doors. A truck parked across the sidewalk, as if someone was racing for a safe place, left the door hanging open.. now corroding as salt eats its finish. The opposite corner a Pet Clinic, doors ripped off with large numbers in hot pink painted on the glass. And finally the last corner... A car lot full of once new cars, that seem to be frozen in a dusted state like an old statue, or a dust storm has coated them over. The stench coming from the street drain lets you know the dark pipes below became the final resting place of something that once lived and breathed.
Up the road a hotel towers above the horizon. Windows shattered out, drapes hanging drearily in open air. The sign missin letters... deserted vans parked under the entry canopy, the valet carts lay strewn out into the gutters. Empty streets as far as the eye can see... No dogs, stray cats or even birds in the brown crusted trees.
It's as if a bomb took all life in one swift motion.
Restaurants where the power has been restored have lines out the doors. The wait staff behind the counter look exhausted. Shortened hours have them closing at dark, for fear they will be robbed and looted. Or from lack of help to run the place. Every business with power boasts a sign " Now Hiring". Some of the people you see who appear to be locals seem in a trance.
They pack their cars, trucks and the occasional u-haul with salvaged parts of their lives and head north on I-10. Other locals proclaim thier pride and intention of rebuilding.
As you tour the city.. a eeriness creeps over you. As if there is a dampness that broods on you.
Realization strikes as you see people piling what once was their prized possessions by the curb to be hauled away. "This city may never fully return to its previous greatness." Yet one site of the swinging hammer makes you want to jump in and help. One tiny flower blooming makes you want to rush to it, washing it with clear water. Hope! That Life will return!
GOD BLESS ALL... who return and rebuild!
Age perspective...
The past few weeks have given a few reminders of life's lessons. Or maybe I have learned a lot in the last few weeks. I hope to be able to record some of that here.
On the 12th of October, my son turned 13. Perspective on age~~My youngest is now a teen. It was awesome to go see them. To share in their activities. Went to see my 14 yr old daughter march in high school band. She surprised me by hookin her arm thru mine at the ball field and introducing me to all her friends. "This is my Dad from Dallas!" It felt really good. She will soon be 15 and looks 17 or 18. Scary... She has a boyfriend now. He is 16. My first thought it to panic, but then I think.. I had a girlfriend at that age.
My son is all boy, and enjoys sports. Knows more about them than I ever will. He is in band as well, a drummer. His party was interesting to say the least. With his mom and stepdad there as well as friends. His stepdad plays football with him, takes him to games. I saved the day by takin the cake, ice cream, and papergoods and gave him cash for buying what he wants. It felt really good to have my partner with me. The kids are totally laid back about it, and love the man who loves me. He is so good with the kids!! Great memories were made!
Goin to my parents was an experience for my partner. He'd met my mom, but had not seen their home. An eclectic mix of antiques, family heirlooms, and collectables. It looks more like a country store on the interior than a house. Dad did not make an appearance, his health is not good. And there seems to be issues with his medication. Mom cooked a great sunday lunch and sent us home with leftovers. Thank God I have a southern mom! Although that does not help my expanding waistline.
The time on the road spent writing about "us", my partner and I. Talkin over hopes, fears, dreams that we share. Growth occurs from honesty and I am loving the growth we are seeing in our lives. So with the age perspective.. with aging... comes knowledge. I want to absorb as much of it as I can and apply it to my daily life so I do not repeat the mistakes of the past, but move forward across this bridge called "Life". I am grateful for the ones I love and that they love me in return.
On the 12th of October, my son turned 13. Perspective on age~~My youngest is now a teen. It was awesome to go see them. To share in their activities. Went to see my 14 yr old daughter march in high school band. She surprised me by hookin her arm thru mine at the ball field and introducing me to all her friends. "This is my Dad from Dallas!" It felt really good. She will soon be 15 and looks 17 or 18. Scary... She has a boyfriend now. He is 16. My first thought it to panic, but then I think.. I had a girlfriend at that age.
My son is all boy, and enjoys sports. Knows more about them than I ever will. He is in band as well, a drummer. His party was interesting to say the least. With his mom and stepdad there as well as friends. His stepdad plays football with him, takes him to games. I saved the day by takin the cake, ice cream, and papergoods and gave him cash for buying what he wants. It felt really good to have my partner with me. The kids are totally laid back about it, and love the man who loves me. He is so good with the kids!! Great memories were made!
Goin to my parents was an experience for my partner. He'd met my mom, but had not seen their home. An eclectic mix of antiques, family heirlooms, and collectables. It looks more like a country store on the interior than a house. Dad did not make an appearance, his health is not good. And there seems to be issues with his medication. Mom cooked a great sunday lunch and sent us home with leftovers. Thank God I have a southern mom! Although that does not help my expanding waistline.
The time on the road spent writing about "us", my partner and I. Talkin over hopes, fears, dreams that we share. Growth occurs from honesty and I am loving the growth we are seeing in our lives. So with the age perspective.. with aging... comes knowledge. I want to absorb as much of it as I can and apply it to my daily life so I do not repeat the mistakes of the past, but move forward across this bridge called "Life". I am grateful for the ones I love and that they love me in return.
Tuesday, September 13, 2005
Considerations
So you are asked to take an assignment. Its about half done or more... And you oblige with gusto. The challenge begins, its exciting, and progress is occuring. There are many mistakes to fix... balance is required to decide what to fix, what to let go.. and what to ignore.
I think the agonzing over fine details sometimes pay off. But then when something is messed up to begin with.. how to fix it? And if your best at fixing it still doesn't please anyone.. then what's the use...
Runnin in circles makes one tired... not getting any positive response makes one less likely to push for success. The mind becomes stale after not having anything but overload.
We all struggle with what stilulates us.
The mind demands rest!
The day is a long one...
AL
I think the agonzing over fine details sometimes pay off. But then when something is messed up to begin with.. how to fix it? And if your best at fixing it still doesn't please anyone.. then what's the use...
Runnin in circles makes one tired... not getting any positive response makes one less likely to push for success. The mind becomes stale after not having anything but overload.
We all struggle with what stilulates us.
The mind demands rest!
The day is a long one...
AL
Thursday, September 08, 2005
First Blog
So this is what the whole world has been raving about. Blog this, Blog that... "Did you see Brother Boy's Blog?" The things they think of to talk about in the Mental Institution...
Sounds a bit like all of our lives except most of us run around proclaiming "we're Normal" HMMM... wonder what that means?
Anyway.. So now I'm part of the rest of society where I can post my life's catastrophes, greatest accomplishments, and embarrassing moments!
Look out world!
Get your ears/eyes ready!!!
Wooferspup
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