Bigger than fear

I started writing a poem several days ago, inspired by a deep conversation with my partner. I finally felt I had put into it what I wanted to say so here goes…

Love…
Is Bigger than the fear

Darkness loses its grip
Love is bigger than the pain

Shadowed memories fade
Love is bigger than the scars

Nights become times of rest
Dreams no longer held behind bars

Love is bigger than the hurt
New trust begins to grow

Love is bigger than the stains
Lets our hearts be pure like snow


You see it is easy to forget
Because fear has such a loud roar.

We are often overcome by our past
Looming behind us like a gathering storm cloud

Love has a way of diminishing the storm.
Bringing peace to the rough places

I was taught to believe in Love
And though it has at times brought me pain

It has been my greatest friend and teacher
The fiber of my life’s existence

Like breath below the depths
Bring hope to murky darkness

Love tunes us to our spirit
And connects us with our spirit life force


Of late I have thought so much of how I was raised. A good raising, with all I needed as far as food, shelter and basic needs. I have thought of the struggle to accept myself… deal with the hatred I had for the people in my life that hurt me so. As time passes we age, we mature, evolve. I see so many things change… and we as a society move so aimlessly through the path of life, stumbling, not going where we want…
As I grow as a person, and slowly unload the unnecessary burdens of life, I discover a new part of me hidden beneath each time. Where I feel stronger, more self-secured and more like the man I want to be. We all struggle with wanting to fit in, but the days are fewer for me where I hurriedly run through life to make sure I am being “all” for “everyone”. Empty and meaningless relationships take up less of my time. Things that were so important, like planning a party for a 100, or reading the newspaper to catch the latest travesty, give way to me reading a book I have longed to read, painting, drawing, or writing. Or a quiet evening with the man I love!

I guess what I am realizing in my life is what it feels like to live “Fulfilled”! Its like waking up in another persons world. Depression has less command, maybe someday none at all, Family no longer makes my blood pressure rise or have the ability to guilt me into doing things that are actually their own responsibility. Being a designer no longer means I must live in a show home in order to uphold my position in society. Realizing I’ll never look like an underwear model, is really OK! Even aging is not so scary. Especially when you have your soulmate to love!

Today I dream of things that are wonderful, and I KNOW they will come to pass. Fear no longer holds a death grip on my life, mocking me with “when will you wake up?” “it’s too good to be true!” Its refreshing to have a fleeting thought of “oh my God, what about…” and the next thought is “ yea, so what!”

A few nights ago I dreamed of being in my home town. Friends were there, like I was living my teen years again but was the age and with the knowledge I have today. I was feeling the pressures of the peers. And one girl in particular, who no longer speaks to me since I came out, was in the dream. Demanding so many things of me. Family was expecting me to be the “good Christian straight boy” and I was feeling overwhelmed.
But it was nice when I woke, because it gave me perspective, that I am finally at a place in my life to be putting away those things. I am finally freeing myself to be me. It’s like giving self permission to breath. A whole new meaning to “waiting to exhale” LOL.

There is nothing more powerful than owning your own power! Not allowing it to be sapped away. Like living your whole life with a parasitic drain that empties your battery. And so much of the time this is fostered by who we are around, what we do and where we go. But I think most importantly it is mostly effected by what we see when we look in the mirror. Have you ever asked yourself, “Am I worthy of happiness?” Because the answer is YES.. a thousand times over YES, YES,YES!!! And the simplest part of all is… Happiness lives between out ears!

LIVE! LOVE! BE HAPPY!!
Pup