A summer has come and gone... my how time flies when you are havin fun! As I look back over the past few months, I am amazed how it has flown by.
We have been on a wonderful adventure. One that continues, and that makes me happy from the heart! Yes, I am sure I am a bit chunkier that I was... I am certain there is more gray in my beard. I am starting to have those things people call laugh lines.. or crows feet. That does not make me happy. But what's a guy to do...
My kids moved 2000 plus miles away this summer. Kinda bittersweet event. I know their life is improving, but it sux it had to be so far away. My daughter turns 16 in less than 2 months. My son has a deep voice and is a tall 14 yr old. Today I saw a baby toddling away from his mother, giggles errupting from his cheeks. I thought to myself... Where did all those years go?
We rush so much.. have so many things to do... Add it to the calendar, a reminder in the palm pilot. Schedule time to see family or friends, for if it is not "booked" then we end up "booked".
I love adventure, but I realise today that each day takes more to accomplish than the last. My body tells me it has wears and tears. Stress invades and rest eludes us. Holidays coming.. one must plan around everyone's schedule. So wanting to do special things for my children, but not really being able to afford it. The mind gets wrestled to and fro over what is the happy medium.
My baby brother, my only sibling turned 30 this past week. We had a great time celebrating with him! I see the gray in his hair and I am reminded, I'm six years his senior. So blessed was the time when my partner and I got time alone, to wonder the streets of the victorian village we were visiting. A slower pace, fall leaves dusting the ground, it was peaceful. I watched as my partner took pictures of the sunlight streaming through bright fall leaves and felt warm inside. Another season passing.. a new one arriving. The seasons of our lives, I am so thrilled and amazed to be sharing these experiences with a man who is a spiritually in tune with life as I! So in awe of the love in my heart for him!
I struggle at times, not sure sometimes why. Seems I try so hard to emulate the person I once was, when I really don't even want to. I feel so many times that I fail miserably at being who I am. Yet when I stop to evalute, I am certain that I am the best version of myself I have ever been. So maybe it's the fine tuning... maybe we sometimes are focused intensely and other times we move through a fog. I believe old habits haunt us, former fears try to re-root. But I am proud to say that with proper communication and the patience shown to me by my soulmate, I move past those fears and move on. Growing as we emerge from the haze.
It saddens my heart, the effects of life I see on those around me. People lost in a daze, losing love, finding themselves in positions of life they never thought they'd face. And I admit Anger sometimes as you hear them admit to playing roulet with destiny/fate! So wanting to lash out at them, to stop hurting themselves and those around them, and at the same time wanting to hold them close as our tears mix soothing the pains of what cannot be changed. Maybe I care too much! Maybe I should say f**k it! But I cannot, my passions will not let me! I beleive life is what we make of it! We all make mistakes and we grow and learn! Or hope to! I want to embrace every day I am given and live it to the fullest! Thank God I have a person in my life who believes in that! Believes in ME!
Work sometimes is stressful. Mine is more on my body... I love what I do! A shame is does not pay better. Buildin my own business seems to move at a snails pace. But I know it can be done! Life has it's ups and downs... I am grateful for the feelings attached to all of them. For in these moments, are when we know we are alive! In our heaven or in our hell... time marches on!
Peace be unto you all!
AL
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