Thursday I hurt my back at work... so I have not been moving too fast , has given me the past two days to think... I'm Tired! Not like physically...
It's more a drained feeling, a feeling that people bring... Or maybe that we do to ourselves. I try to always be the listener, try to be the friend, to be the objective one, the neutral one. I am learning as I get older it can be tougher than I thought. So I have tried to be more of a "call it as I see it" kinda guy. This seems to work best for me, as people know where they stand and I am not left holding feelings that I dislike. But I also am learning there is no loyalty in the world anymore. Almost no one commits to friendships or relationships anymore. Instead it is a dog eat dog world where whatever gets "my way" or "what I want" the easiest, always wins. Rationale is thrown to the wind.
I always love making new friends, online, at work, goin out, wherever we can. But I guess I am learning as I age that quality is better than quantity. I want friends I can hang with, be 100% honest with... tell the truth to, even if it hurts at the moment. I consider myself one of the REAL people in the world, and I am making a vow to stop having converstaions about anything that is not real. The "what if's" and the "I heard" crap is over! If you are going to tell me about your life, expect to hear what I think in return, based on my life's experience. If you don't wanna hear, don't talk to me! With friendship comes trust, if you cannot trust me, then don't. I don't ever want to "let anyone down". I am not that kind of person!
I am just AL... Been through hell... Abuse as a kid, pain that left scars, loved and lost, married and divorced, lived in other countries, seen other cultures, put my heart and soul into the the things I love whether work, relationship or friendships. I have watched the dearest person in my life die in front of me, held the hand of dying persons because their families were such cowards they could not face being with the child, brother or friend that they once loved!!! So as you see, when petty things come to the table, I may not be the most sympathetic.
When life kicks you in the gut, maybe that's the time to grab it by the nuts, look it in the eye and let it know, you are bigger than any problem that comes along! The more I think on it, I realise, there are so many times I should have just given up according to society rules. But who says society knows what is best for us all? Usually that thought process is plagued with idealism and political hoohah! I am more about seeing life as it really is, talking about how we really feel and just being honest...
Having said all this... I am looking into 2007 with a promise to be even more to true to myself. To focus more on what makes me happy, on what I feel is good for me and my relationship with the incredible and amazing man that I share life with! Thanks much to him, I believe in myself much more today than ever before!!!
Peace be to you all!
AL
