On this day 16 years ago... the most beautiful girl in the world was born...
It was a cold day, the clouds were building. It was 6 days shy of my 20th birthday and I was scared to death. I was becoming a father! A parent... that was a life changing experience. I had gone through all the classes to be ringside for the delivery. Hours into the labor, a little heartbeat got lost. So I was forced to sign a paper that said one or both of them might not make it, they were doing a C-section.
Moments seemed like hours in that drab waiting room, there in that country town hospital. I must have counted the bricks on the wall a million times, wore a path pacing on the musty carpet and said so many prayers I forgot if they made any sense. My stomach churned and my head reeled, I felt cheated by not being able to be in there as I had planned.
Then the nurse came to get me... a baby girl! Dark hair and eyes and a rosy red cheeks. Wow what a relief, they were both ok! The first time I held her, those tiny fingers gripped my fingertip. I was in awe! I didn't sleep much that night, sitting by her mother's bed. going to the window of the nursery to peer inside and see my precious baby girl's pink stocking-ed head nuzzled in that weird plastic bed.
I have watched that baby girl grow to be a beautiful young woman! One who makes me so proud to be her dad! The dark eyes turned bright blue/hazel the hair long and blonde. A smile that would dazzle the dreariest day! She's a sister, a musician. a mathmatician, a lady, a comic, she is my Katie!
I love you my beautiful daughter!
Happy sweet 16!
Love, DAD
Wednesday, January 03, 2007
Tuesday, January 02, 2007
Trust
TRUST Current mood: settled
Trust is a wonderful thing... it is earned, not demanded. Given to those whom we want to give it to. We are never really forced to trust.... yet at times we trust and then we feel slighted or judged. Based on the fact that a persons behavior does not match our expectations. Maybe we feel used or lied to... when really all it amounts to is that we have broadcasted our feelings and actions for the world to see. Then when everyone that we share those thoughts with is not in agreement, suddenly it doesn't feel like we meant it to. And maybe what we percieve to be occuring is not really what is occuring at all!
See when we forget to seperate our personal feelings from fact... we get the picture all fogged up. So what is really going on in the world around us is not at all what we are seeing from our muddled windows. Some how we lose the clear sight!
You see, I am about treating all people the same. I was taught, treat others as you want to be treated. I am an honest man, so I am going to show compassion to everyone. whether the beggar on the street, or the lost child, or the hurting friend. I do not tell lies about anyone! So don't tell me about your pain, your problems and not expect response. I may not say what you want to hear, but I will listen and I will respond. I am an adult, with many years experience! Abuse survivor, suicide survivor, marriage, divorce. living abroad, religious upbringing, And I am well today! Alive! healthy! and Whole! Not afraid or ashamed to talk about it! It is not high school.. it's real life. This is not a dress rehearsal!!! These are not uniforms and horns... it's not a stage... these are our children! Our lives! Our familes! Our friends!
You see, what I don't get is how we all want friendship. We all want advice. We all want a shoulder to lean on. But we want it on OUR terms... "Oh how dare anyone talk about my life" Well that's juvenile! selfish! Either put it out there and be an adult when people repsond or SHUT UP! and go it alone! It's like taking out a TV ad or a billboard and then being upset anyone noticed. Get a grip people!
I am so sick of people playing victim. "It never pays to be nice" BULLSHIT! The only time it didn't pay to be nice was if the "being nice" was a freakin facade in the first place. Or was it, "play by my rules and it will all be fun like playing house"? Why can't everyone get along and be REAL FRIENDS! Grow up!
I am a real person, with a real life... am I perfect? HELL NO! In the eyes of others, do I do everything correctly? I'm sure they'd say no... I want to grow, to learn every day! I don't want to relive mistakes. In fact I want to be an open book, so that my friends see my mistakes and can learn from them too. We are all human! We all make mistakes. We all should learn to get along in this world and it would be a much happier place to live, to work, for our kids to grow up in!
I am glad I learned long ago about clicks. I never was part of a fraternity. I do not align myself with any particular political group. I do not belong to any particular organized religious sect. I am just me... sharing my thoughts with whoever reads them. Trying to be friends to all I come in contact with. I am here to chat or listen anytime... and if I come back with something you don't want to hear, or do something you don't approve of well... I'm not sorry! I'm just me! So get over it!
Peace to you all in 2007
Trust is a wonderful thing... it is earned, not demanded. Given to those whom we want to give it to. We are never really forced to trust.... yet at times we trust and then we feel slighted or judged. Based on the fact that a persons behavior does not match our expectations. Maybe we feel used or lied to... when really all it amounts to is that we have broadcasted our feelings and actions for the world to see. Then when everyone that we share those thoughts with is not in agreement, suddenly it doesn't feel like we meant it to. And maybe what we percieve to be occuring is not really what is occuring at all!
See when we forget to seperate our personal feelings from fact... we get the picture all fogged up. So what is really going on in the world around us is not at all what we are seeing from our muddled windows. Some how we lose the clear sight!
You see, I am about treating all people the same. I was taught, treat others as you want to be treated. I am an honest man, so I am going to show compassion to everyone. whether the beggar on the street, or the lost child, or the hurting friend. I do not tell lies about anyone! So don't tell me about your pain, your problems and not expect response. I may not say what you want to hear, but I will listen and I will respond. I am an adult, with many years experience! Abuse survivor, suicide survivor, marriage, divorce. living abroad, religious upbringing, And I am well today! Alive! healthy! and Whole! Not afraid or ashamed to talk about it! It is not high school.. it's real life. This is not a dress rehearsal!!! These are not uniforms and horns... it's not a stage... these are our children! Our lives! Our familes! Our friends!
You see, what I don't get is how we all want friendship. We all want advice. We all want a shoulder to lean on. But we want it on OUR terms... "Oh how dare anyone talk about my life" Well that's juvenile! selfish! Either put it out there and be an adult when people repsond or SHUT UP! and go it alone! It's like taking out a TV ad or a billboard and then being upset anyone noticed. Get a grip people!
I am so sick of people playing victim. "It never pays to be nice" BULLSHIT! The only time it didn't pay to be nice was if the "being nice" was a freakin facade in the first place. Or was it, "play by my rules and it will all be fun like playing house"? Why can't everyone get along and be REAL FRIENDS! Grow up!
I am a real person, with a real life... am I perfect? HELL NO! In the eyes of others, do I do everything correctly? I'm sure they'd say no... I want to grow, to learn every day! I don't want to relive mistakes. In fact I want to be an open book, so that my friends see my mistakes and can learn from them too. We are all human! We all make mistakes. We all should learn to get along in this world and it would be a much happier place to live, to work, for our kids to grow up in!
I am glad I learned long ago about clicks. I never was part of a fraternity. I do not align myself with any particular political group. I do not belong to any particular organized religious sect. I am just me... sharing my thoughts with whoever reads them. Trying to be friends to all I come in contact with. I am here to chat or listen anytime... and if I come back with something you don't want to hear, or do something you don't approve of well... I'm not sorry! I'm just me! So get over it!
Peace to you all in 2007
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