Today I received unsettling news...
I am probably facing back surgery. Not that I have not known it was possible, or might come to that, but it beomes more real when you hear the Dr say, "There is nothing else left to do".
My mind became a whirlwind as I rode the elevator down from his office.
"this doesn't fit in my plans" I thought... "something else to add to my being down on myself"
"what a pain in so many ways, to be off work, to deal with this"
"maybe it's kharma kickin my ass for not being more focused on building my own business".
One could beat the dead horse for a lifetime. Coulda,Shoulda, Woulda! But where would that lead? Around the circle and back again. After all, I reminded myself, it's not the end of the world. But we all have things in our heads that we wanna do... surgery is not usually on that list.
You know... summer, just moved, painting to do, pool parties, outings with my kids, wanting to get back to the gym. And of ourse the horror stories told by so many of bad back surgeries.
It all boils down to a saying my grandmother used to say, "don't go borrowin trouble, just live today!" So I am trying to live my life by that rule, but it's easier said than done. We seem as humans, to always worry about what we cannot control. But with age, I am learning that if I focus more on what I can control, I really won't have time for all the other stuff.
So now we will see what happens. I am a bit scared, but I am eternally grateful that I do not face these things alone. I am blessed with a soulmate who listens to me.. communicates about whatever comes our way. Loving him brings me great peace! I trust that whatever you are going through out there... you have a North Star to keep you on track.
Peace to you all...
AL
