New Life

Just as a flower springs forth, new growth.

We make decisions in our lives...

These decisions will forever be a part of the history

map known as our past. The fabric of our story... And help

to mold our future path and the directions we take.

I believe it is all part of a painting called Life!

Some may view their painting to be dark with tattered

edges, and even worn thin where it can be seen through.

Others may consider theirs a masterpiece....

Today the documents arrived that state that my partner is legally divorced. Some would congratulate me on the time of waiting for that day to come now being over. Others would ask if I thought it would ever arrive...

In my own mind and life... I have evolved. There was a time when I made a choice to be with the man I had fallen in love with. I knew when I made that decision that some would question my intentions. Some asked me "what the hell are you doing with a married man? You will only get hurt!" Others looked at me as a home wrecker, only here to divide up a family. What was actual truth was that those people really did not know the real truth about myself or my partner. Nor in most cases, was it any of their business! But as so-called friends quite often do, they stick their noses in other people's affairs, wag their tongues regarding things they know little about, and pass judgments making sure the world sees what small minded idiots they are!

So... While the situation may not have been conventional, it was very fitting. For those who really know my partner and I know we are neither of the conventional persuasion. In the early stages, I had fears that one day I might get hurt. That on the day that the divorce came through, there might be something more attractive about being single , footloose and fancy-free, than being with me. But let's be real... when we open our hearts to loving someone. we take a chance. So no matter who you are with, Loving means taking a risk. And might I add, a very Worthy Risk! For in taking that leap of faith, I have grown as a person more than I ever could have imagined. Am loved more than I could ever imagined!

There was a time in my life when I was afraid to be alone. I had been through things in my life that made me have fear living in the dark corners of my soul, my mind. Haunted by the past, I was a fearful person, sometimes like he child who was abused, neglected in some ways, heart-broken, and scared. As I became aware of myself in the past few years and my spiritual dimensions, I came to understand, that those things only have as much effect on me as I give them power to have. As I have shared my fears openly with my soulmate, it has become easier to swing open the closet doors, sweep out the skeletons lying there and move on!

So as we lay in bed talking of the fact I had one feared this day. I think my partner was actually surprised. Somehow maybe I managed to not display those fears. Or maybe he was giving me grace.. LOL. But it was so exciting.. so Amazing to think... Now is yet again New Life!

The Adventure truly begins now! It's like doing due diligence or proving one's self... that you are worthy to go on this trip... No that we needed to prove it to each other. We love and accept each other just as we are!! But like we needed to prove it to The Gods... Like being interviewed to be on "the amazing race" . Like you have overcome society's expected outcome! I detest that! So today I am yet again making myself a promise to live for today! to live for the adventure at hand! To look adversity in the eye and say "kiss my entire ass"!! Because I am happy, I am at peace. And for all you nay-sayers out there... well I am sad for you! Because until you believe in yourself, until you take a chance on love. Until you are ready to live an adventure and not just be stagnant... I can assure you that you will feel unfulfilled!

Do I think I am on top of it all? God no... there is always something to work on! Do I think I know all the answers.. no way! Still learning right this moment! Will continue to do so till I die... But the difference is I am willing...

And congratulations to my soulmate who is moving onward and upward! He is the love of my life! Congratulations to the others out there who are in a new place... new name, new life... Not sure they have a positive outlook on it. But I wish for us all the very best!!

Peace~ AL

Four Boyfriends

When this was passed to me today I was amazed... as we'd just had a simular conversation about this with a friend of ours last night. I have been frustrated with my recovery time post-surgery being so long and the fact that I will never lift as much as I once did. Concerned with the everyday responsibilities of life. This helped me regain some perspective. I hope it is as helpful to you!
Peace~ AL

Four Boyfriends
Once upon a time there was a girl who had four boyfriends. She loved the fourth boyfriend the most and adorned him with rich robes and treated him to the finest of delicacies. She gave him nothing but the best.
She also loved the third boyfriend very much and was always showing him off to neighboring kingdoms. However, she feared that one day he would leave her for another.
She also loved her second boyfriend. He was her confidant and was always kind, considerate and patient with her. Whenever this girl faced a problem, she could confide in him, and he would help her get through the difficult times.
The girl's first boyfriend was a very loyal partner and had made great contributions in maintaining her wealth and kingdom. However, she did not love the first boyfriend Although he loved her deeply, she hardly took notice of him!
One day, the girl fell ill and she knew her time was short. She thought of her luxurious life and wondered, 'I now have four boyfriends with me, but when I die, will I be a alone.'
Thus, she asked the fourth boyfriend, 'I loved you the most, endowed you with the finest clothing and showered great care over you. Now that I'm dying, will you follow me and keep me company?'No way!', replied the fourth boyfriend, and he walked away without another word. His answer cut like a sharp knife right into her heart.
The sad girl then asked the third boyfriend, 'I loved you all my life. Now that I'm dying, w ill you follow me and keep me company?' 'No!', replied the third boyfriend. 'Life is too good! When you die, I'm going to marry someone else!' Her heart sank and turned cold
She then asked the second boyfriend, 'I have always turned to you for help and you've always been there for me. When I die, will you follow me and keep me company?' 'I'm sorry, I can't help you out this time!', replied the second boyfriend. 'At the very most, I can only walk with you to your grave.' His answer struck her like a bolt of lightning, and the girl was devastated.

Then a voice called out: 'I'll go with you. I'll follow you no matter where you go.' The girl looked up, and there was her first boyfriend. He was very skinny as he suffered from malnutrition and neglect. Greatly grieved, the girl said, 'I should have taken much better care of you when I had the chance!'
In truth, you have four boyfriends in your lives:
Your fourth boyfriend is your body. No matter how much time and effort you lavish in making it look good, it will leave you when you die.
Your third boyfriend is your possessions, status and wealth.When you die, it will all go to others.
Your second boyfriend is your family and friends. No matter how much they have been there for you, the furthest they can stay by you is up to the grave.
And your first boyfriend is your spirit. Often neglected in pursuit of wealth, power and pleasures of the world. However, your spirit is the only thing that will follow you where ever you go. Cultivate, strengthen and cherish it now, for it is the only part of you that will follow you throughout Eternity.
Author unknown

Mixed Feelings

The world is a strange place! Every day we meet people... Some are wrapped up in drama. Some are in stages of their life where they are growing. Some are in painful situations, trying to find their way. Others are actually malicious!

I have empathy for those who are caught in drama, and who are growing. I feel pain for those trying to get through painful situations. For in all of those I have recollections of when I was there. Looking for direction, searching for answers, learning about myself. And as the years pass, I never want to stop learning about myself, for in doing this I am able to come closer to being the man I am meant to be. My soul becomes lighter, and clearer as I am able to learn from mistakes, grow by listening to what my heart tells me.

For those wrapped in Drama: it is a smoke filled room. A reality TV show that has no reality.
It is a show for others, guided by the wishes and thoughts of others. People get drama rolling in their lives and it is like the little wheel in the gerbil's cage. A vicious circle! I can remember being caught up in drama and hating it... like I was on a stage show. And I was required to respond in a certain way, in order to please the crowd. Be they my so-called friends, family, or the public.

Growth: We all make choices whether we learn from our life lessons. We each have our own lives, so what we go through is different. I think we forget that at times. There are reasons why we act the way we do, or re-act! I have tried to not be a reactionary person. As a man, I have felt judged in many cases for being an emotional person. I have prayed and wished to not be so emotional. And now I am blessed to be in love with a person who embraces my emotional side and tempers our relationship with a calm balance, a resolve. We each have a past... and with that may come regret. But I have learned that if I choose let go of the ugliness in the past, and try to remember what positive thing I have learned from each situation, it makes me carry less baggage. There may be things we struggle with letting go of... addictions, memories, emotional attachments, loves lost.

Malice: mal·ice
1. A desire to harm others or to see others suffer; extreme ill will or spite.
2. Law The intent, without just cause or reason, to commit a wrongful act that will result in harm to another.
It amazes me how people thrive on this... we see it in movies, on "reality TV", soap operas, amongst so-called friends, and amazingly enough family! To use any piece of information, whether sometimes even knowing if it is even true, in order to tear another person down. That is the true example of malice. And in the gay community, it seems that Fags are the worst! They will say or do anything... ANYTHING... to be in control. And Jealousy runs hand in hand with malice. So when they see you in a relationship, moving in a positive direction, they will try to destroy it. It is so sad... they cannot stand to see someone grow away from old habits, to settle into peaceful situations, and find a soulmate to share life with.

When they see evidence of two people finding happiness, one wonders if they actually react without thinking. I'd like to give people the benefit of doubt... but as I am aging, maturing, I have less faith. Less in others, but more in myself. Which is one of the most amazing things in the world. Because me having faith in myself is something that I have gone without in many times in my life. So I am proud to say I am building a belief in myself! I also believe in others! But I choose to believe in people who are working on themselves, who are wanting to learn from their mistakes, to apply their "life lessons".

I see people who share life as couples... some are there as a support system that has saved each other from certain self destruction, Some are together because they have settled and think they cannot ever do any better so they settle for the first person who shows them attention and then are miserable later. Other people are attracted on such intense levels, but the cannot commit their bodies, their minds, their soul to one person. So they tear each other apart by displaying strange actions in public, disrespecting their partners, and ultimately disrespecting themselves. When your mate is standing in the room with you, or in the bar or wherever you are, what on earth possesses someone to kiss, grope or make out with another person. That makes your partner feel like the old pair of shoes you left on the back steps in the rain because you found some new flip flops on sale and the dollar store. Cheap! Tacky! and disrespected!

So in all, I would say... Search your soul, look into the mirror. See what you are made of...
Are there things you do that intentionally to hurt others? Do you have jealously thriving in your heart because someone has something you dream of? Have you ever considered what it took that person to get to that place in their life? What they have given up or mountain they have climbed to be there? Have you cleaned the skeletons out of your closets? Have you been able to be honest with yourself, much less the person you want to share life with?

I trust we all find more peace each day!!
AL

Stats~

Well Dallas, it's official...
You are no longer the number one on the list for the "Land of the Bottoms"

According to the Out Magazine statistics

West Virginia ~ holds the title as the most Bottoms.
Hmmm... back woods boys like it like that huh?

Washington DC ~ holds the title as the most Tops.
Go figure! Pushy politicians... "Every man has an inner bottom just waiting to be tapped"

California ~ holds the title as the men who are most Versatile.
The men that get it! "Not missin any of the fun, and screw all you up tight boys who are afraid to admit you take it behind closed doors!!"

Washington State ~ the state with the most men looking for husbands.
This seems to be where the people who have their life together and know what they want live... OMG! A job, a car, a house and a life plan! Pursuit of dreams? And you don't go circuit parties every other weekend or feel the need to be in the bar every weekend? What a concept...

Peace
Al

Obituary

When I saw this today.. I had to post it...
It truly says so much! And should be taken to heart on so many levels!!


Today we mourn the passing of a beloved old friend, Common Sense, who has been with us for many years. No one knows for sure how old he was since his birth records were long ago lost in bureaucratic red tape.
He will be remembered as having cultivated such valuable lessons as knowing when to come in out of the rain, why the early bird gets the worm, life isn't always fair, and maybe it was my fault.
Common Sense lived by simple, sound financial policies (don't spend more than you earn) and reliable parenting strategies (adults, not children, are in charge).
His health began to deteriorate rapidly when well intentioned but overbearing regulations were set in place. Reports of a six-year-old boy charged with sexual harassment for kissing a classmate; teens suspended from school for using mouthwash after lunch; and a teacher fired for reprimanding an unruly student, only worsened his condition.
Common Sense lost ground when parents attacked teachers for doing the job they themselves failed to do in disciplining their unruly children. It declined even further when schools were required to get parental consent to administer Panadol, sun lotion or a Band-Aid to a student but could not inform the parents when a student became pregnant or wanted to have an abortion.
Common Sense lost the will to live as the Ten Commandments became contraband, churches became businesses, and criminals received better treatment than their victims.
Common Sense took a beating when you couldn't defend yourself from a burglar in your own home and the burglar could sue you for assault.
Common Sense was preceded in death by his parents, Truth and Trust; his wife, Discretion; his daughter, Responsibility; and his son, Reason. He is survived by three stepbrothers; I Know My Rights, Someone Else is to Blame, and I'm A Victim.
Not many attended his funeral because so few realized he was gone.

May we all take time to think through our lives and how this applies...

Peace to you all

AL

Dream Catcher

The skies are blue, the clouds make funny shapes
The boy with golden blonde hair lays in the tall grass
dreaming... Someday... One day...
I will be a singer, and join music that makes people's hearts feel joy
Or maybe an actor, an artist, a dancer, that shows the light hearted display of the soul.
Storms come, thunder rolls, but no fear is too large
His protector is near, His Queen with rough hands, soft words
Lost in adventure amoung the weeds
He builds a castle, where there is peace and beauty.
A beautiful girl, a shiny new car, a driveway lined with trees.
A horse to go riding on, a dashing man to share the time with?
A garden of flowers, tulips bloom, the smell of roses.
Suddenly darkness is everywhere...
The protector, his best friend is gone... leaving fear...
blood on the grass... darkness in the water
nights are filled with terror, images burned into repeated motion
Daylight comes, but the smell is gone from the roses
Strong hands have their way, causing pain, but filling some longing
Dark shadows seem to become a comforting place
the rafters of the creaky barn, the moonlight of night.
Fear is a ruler! purpose seems lost.
He spills his own blood on the soil... no one cares
Oh keep him living, Don't let him die!
But the soul sinks to blackness. scratching at the walls of a well
all around life goes on... everything back to staged normalcy
The boy comforts, his touch is electric.. it brings light
Young bodies collide in firelight... magic
like the stars rain down through Dogwood branches.
Love? gut wrenching emotion...
shhh!!! Secrets! no one can know! Turmoil boils...
Will this electricity doom him? send him to Satan?
he begs his maker" take this away!"
Ecstacy ensues... repeatedly. plans...
Future? Dreams? could it be? the protector anew?
NO! dashed... scorned... threats. Buried feelings, like the dead.
Escape... the girl from boyhood dreams... alive?
Hope... reality? a chance at being free from fear?
Love... growing anew. He holds her in his arms...
Wedding Day, So glorious, so profound he shook at the alter
His body giving in to new feelings, excitement
Children~ Angels!! From heaven!! So beautiful...
striking fear in his heart... fear of failing
So emotional in their beauty!
Reality... the dragon roars!!! she spews fire...
Anger, bitterness creeps in... the darkness is a friend again
Tears are present again.. always. failure...
he wonders "why live"...
Devastation... Family repeats old habits, no support...
Going on with life as nothing is wrong...
shattered hearts are not important...
Boldness begins to build in him. something from the soul
a deep yearning to be free... for others to see him!
to be HEARD! Listen! hear my voice! "I am alive"
he speaks his soul, judgment comes. wrath by some.
A growth is happening.. a new day has dawned.
The protector is not gone.. but looking down from above.
Her presence ever near!! Love grows...
New bonds are made... a man appears...
could it be the man from the childhood dreams?
no.. he knows now those don't come true!
But hope is alive... he holds the mans hand
a bond is built... through rough times it lingers
through good times it flourishes. Fear pokes and prods at times
but through serious loss he holds on to this man,this human...
and sees this man grow. Like a flower, bursting into bloom!
the loss is returned four-fold. He ventures to grow..
His mate is unsure, fear springs forward
Eating at the bond like a cancer. He struggles to conquer
But the other man gives in to fear... Devastation...
The Dragon roars.. Fire soars higher than ever.
The heart is cut deeper than before.
All hope of mending...Lost
Darkness crashes like the oceans waves
He seeks shelter in darker places than ever.
There is no reason to spare... why save anythng?
but the protetor is watching.. the soul sees a light
and it cannot ignore that light. it moves toward the light...
growing, learnng, clearing away ruins as it moves forward.
Becomin strong.. learning he is happy, even alone.
Friends who should stand guard, instead laugh, cause pain...
Feeling new and different that ever before...
Parallells are found in another soul like his
much pain lies there... much lack of trust, like him
resistance is the game for a spell.
Finally giving way to a love that is deeper than he's ever known
space, time invoke... responsibilites drag on
for what seems eternity...
But all the while his soul grows to new heights.
Gettin to share adventure for the first time in his life
He eeks out the words to tell of the boy who lay in the grass dreaming
overwhelmed with tears and emotion... Newness...
Fear rears its head... doubts and humanity throw stones in the path
but the Love he now shares seems rooted deeper
Deeper rooted than the winds of time and fear are able to uproot!
Emotions spill over, he appologizes. feels silly...
But the stars report that it is a part of the making...
Those same stars shone on a boy many years ago!!!
Time passes, evolution occurs...
The ugly dragon rears her head... and screams
And makes off with the goods to feed her raging hunger
leaving damage to reckoned with...
A scene like a fire... where he looks and says... Again?
Smoking embers burn the feet.. the stench turns the stomach!
He screams at the four walls!!!
WHEN WILL IT BE MY TURN GOD DAMN IT!!!
MAY THE DRAGON BEAST ROTT IN HELL WITH ALL HER SPOILS!!!
So the mending begins...
Today it seems bleak, like the path is uphill, rocky.
Like a sentence has been served...
"the time till you can move on to your dreams , to your adventures, is this long"
and so he learns... patience...
what? are the Gods trying him? what lesson is to be taken from this?
how can it be made into inspiration? what can he do with this?
the sun sets... but darkness no longer has it's hold...
he curses it! and it leaves!
Each day is his own!!
To Love! To Grow! To Learn....

Peace or pain

So what is it that life is made up of? Is it our joys? Our pains?
Does it take so much of the latter to make the tapestry be sufficient to withstand the winds of time? I think sometimes I am so far off the path of where I had pictured myself at 37.
Maybe I never had a clear understanding of what that path was... I think for so many of my younger years I followed a path directed or laid out by someone else. What they thought was best for me...

Pain seems so ever-present. Like those we want to draw close to us only drift further and further away. And the more we stand for who we are the less they are near us. I think I am learning that this is because we do less to facilitate them and their needs, wants or causes.
We get used more often that we realize. Used as a stepping stone to climb higher on the ladder of success. Used to mooch off of to make it through till times are better then walk away. Always wanting something, but not really willing to give in return what was offered to them.
Sadly myself, I have had women do me the dirtiest. They have been the most vindictive. Most self centered, thoughtless people in my life. Don't get me wrong, I've been cut to the bone by the male species as well.

I guess I have a hard time knowing how people sleep at night. How they an feel good about themselves, some call themselves christian. It is really amazing how they an even look you in the eye after the things they do. I would be so ashamed I would hide and never show my face again if I acted like such a hypocrite. And yes if you are out there reading this, with guilt in your heart, God help you!!! God save your black soul, thus it be damned! (yes you, from my employer, for one) I believe that what is given is returned! and I have seen it happen in my lifetime... Sad, but real! Some of these people must have no conscience, no truth or honesty in them at all.

I have had my own family members use me for their own good. Maybe they don't mean to in forethought but they don't stop. Don't apologize. Never try to make a difference. They incorporate people into their lives who move the steadily away from their family. From those who love them most, who hold their secrets close. They think only of how they can improve on their own wants being met, what gets them their next fix. No they're not a drug addict, but they are just as addicted to things, that make them behave the way they do. Addiction like a sad sickness taking over their soul like a cancer.

I am sad tonight... moving only in a direction of what works for me. What feeds my soul? what do I focus and grasp to center myself in a spiritual depth. Cleansing my mind to give it peace. Finding what actions I take to reach synergy with the inner peace I know that is available. What people will no longer be a part of my life, what persons will be drawn to the closeness of peace! Scary, but necessary to survive in this world of pain and strife!

Peace to you all.
AL

These days...

I was in thought this morning... last night... layin in bed...
Got to wondering.
How is it that all of us gay men who decided to marry and try playin it straight, or who came out later in life ended up marryin the most bitter, decietful, evil women on the planet?
They all seem to be selfish, slobs, with some kinda of vendetta or agenda.

So many great guys I know have divorced and been taken to the cleaners by their exes. Hell, I managed to give everything to my ex for the sake of my kids. Then met a man, helped him build a beautiful life, come out to his family and build a successful business, and even he turned out to be a greedy, selfish, psychopath. It is like we are magnets to the pain...
Starting with childhood... abuse from parents, family members, adults around us. They prey upon us and somehow we get trapped in a cycle of relationships, friendships where we are used as a doormat. We learn to omit things rather than be honest, lie about our real thoughts, we hide our feelings, enternalize everything and many self destruct. I myself came close and am proud to say that I am a survivor!

I just become sad seeing people get used. I get angry when I get put upon, to this day! By people who think they have all the answers! They think they can go talking trash, telling you what is the best thing for you to do... HOLD UP! Walk a mile in my shoes! Live in this headspace! Feel my heart and the pain I have lived through! have done to you what I have had dome to me... Then we will talk! Till then, sweep your own doorstep honey! And make sure you know what is goin on at home before you go judging those around you!

Family: Now there's a topic we could talk on all day! Hell all week, all year!! Some are lucky enough to have family who accepts them as the person they are, and does not judge them. I am blessed to have two children who are in contact with me. They love me, and know that I love them more than anything! I have stayed connected to them, supported them and will continue to. I do not see them as much as I'd love to.. but that is ok... some people don't get to see theirs at all. So I am eternally grateful!! I was recently crucified for a blog i passed along to non-bloggers to read about how my kids have grown up so quickly, how times flies and it's amazing to see them grow. And about how I am sad to only see them for short amounts of time, how I'd love to see them for longer times if life permited it. It was totally taken out of context and seen as an attack on my ex. Go figure!! It was written with no malice, not directed at anyone.. was about a song I hear that day and an emotion it brought forward. Then, I got again lam-blasted by an in-law we will call him... for lack of a better politically correct term, about how dare I attack my Ex-wife. and all this BS about how I should be ashamed of myself for even saying such things... Again... outta context... was not directed at anyone. Funny thing was, the blog was about my personal feelings that day, emotions, that I sent to those I felt closest to. In sending it to my ex-wife and my brother-in-law... it was a step in my part to include them in a close knit network of people i hold dear to my heart. So I was reaching out in a way, to try to be closer. And instead I get 42 emails about what abad person I am... unreal!!

What really amazed me was that the "advice" I got on this was so reactive, and from someone who has so much left to deal with in their own life it is unbelieveable. Taking responsibility for your own actions is far more amirable! Like being man enough to care for ones health and the health of others. Going through life in a haphazzard manor and putting others people at risk because we as humans are too weak or too chickenshit to face our own fears is not acceptable!
I am sad because there are people close to me being less than responsible!

As for family, mine are no longer close. All that used to be a close knit unit is now a shell of what was. So many are trapped in the relics of religious bindings, so caught up in their beliefs they cannot see that their closest relatives have drifted away. Reality of life has made some of us evolve, while other remain stagnant in yesterday's way of living. Thinking if they only pray harder we will all return to the ship and live our life in the time warp with them. "The Good Ship" has sailed.. and they cannot see that they are left on a sinking island. So we move on, we live our lives, and we learn to let go. Because it is impossible to climb inside someones head, to give them the shot in the heart that they need to see the evolving world around them.

I think as I lay in bed thinking, I was overwhelmed with sadness. As it is so depressing that people cannot grasp that they are loved! that they have the opportunity in front of them to walk in sunshine.. move past fears, to let go of past pains, to grow to new heights... instead we hang on to old pains and rag them along with us like a dead horse we are sentenced to drag along each day. Accompanied by the stench and rotting smell of it reminding us.. "still here" "still weighing you down"!! People are so unable to share love... to see that we are capable os such great and might loves!! I guess I want to be like mother Theresa or Princess DI.. I wnat to show the world that there is Love, that there can be peace in our hearts. We only have to be bold enough, Brave enough!! to show it... to share it!! and not just with one! but many!!!

Are you brave enough? Are you bold enough? Are you willing to share love? Or are you self consumed? I know from experience when we love... it comes back many times over!!

Peace
AL

The clothesline

A POEM
A clothes line was a news forecast
To neighbors passing by.
There were no secrets you could keep
When clothes were hung to dry.
It also was a friendly link
For neighbors always knew
If company had stopped on by
To spend a night or two.
For then you'd see the 'fancy sheets'
And towels upon the line;
You'd see the 'company table cloths'
With intricate design.
The line announced a baby's birth
To folks who lived inside
As brand new infant clothes were hung
So carefully with pride.
The ages of the children could
So readily be known
By watching how the sizes changed
You'd know how much they'd grown.
It also told when illness struck,
As extra sheets were hung;
Then nightclothes, and a bathrobe, too,
Haphazardly were strung.
It said, 'Gone on vacation now'
When lines hung limp and bare.
It told, 'We're back!' when full lines sagged
With not an inch to spare.
New folks in town were scorned upon
If wash was dingy gray,
As neighbors carefully raised their brows,
And looked the other way...
But clotheslines now are of the past
For dryers make work less.
Now what goes on inside a home
Is anybody's guess.
I really miss that way of life.
It was a friendly sign
When neighbors knew each other best
By what hung on the line!

When I reieved this today, I had to share it.
It brought back so many childhood memories. Memories of my grandmother and the simpler, happier times on the ranch. When we'd play amoung the damp sheets. Ridin stick horses, and feeling the cool of the cloth on our skin in the summer heat. Beneath our clothesline was a huge patch of irises. In spring they bloomed a pale purple. They gave a faint fragrance to the sheets when they hung there to dry. At the end of the clothesline was a pine tree... I remember my grandmother telling how she found the little sapling uprooted where they were building the highway near our ranch. She brought it home and planted it... with tender care, it is now a tall stately pine tree. Our clothesline was near the garden in the back yard, where we would sit and shuck corn, or snap green beans to can. The sunset from that spot in the world was amazing... the most beautiful shades of orange and red... I miss those days! Life was simple, and I felt more love, more peace then than ever in my life... thank you Mama Jewell!!
I know you are there just on the other side mindful of my life here today!
Peace
AL

Myself

Today is such a good day!
I have learned so much in the last few hours. I could go on and on about those things...
But the most important one is this!

I made myself a promise! A pledge!
I WILL NOT SHOW UP FOR ANOTHER DAY OF MY LIFE WITHOUT BEING TOTALLY MYSELF!!To show up in my life as myself an not an imitation of what people want to see!
I am promising myself to be present in every day, every hour and every moment of my life!
To live life to the fullest and in the way I see fit. I have always filled my life with doing things I believe in.. but sometimes I have hushed myself for fear of not wanting to make anyone uncomfortable.
No longer! I will say NO! When I don't agree, I will say so. When I feel I need to be myself I simply will be!
I promise myself to believe in myself. Every day! To look at myself in a new light...
and to kick dirt in the face of negativity!!

I hope if you read this that you take the challenge to believe in you!!
Don't let anyone tell you are anything less than beautiful! Worthy!

Have a great day!
Peace
AL

Miracles

Today was one of those days when I woke, that I just wanted to stay in bed. Sadly I seem to be having too many of them lately! I could go on about why... From not working, being off work post surgery, to just feeling like I am failing in some important areas of my life. I got news yesterday that this summer, I will only see my kids for about 5 or 6 days. They are getting older. My daughter has a job now. And don't get me wrong, I am proud of her!! She is saving money to go to Israel for an amazing trip. I'd love to have the money to just pay her way. I'd wait, let her work to pay her way, as I feel that is good learning experience. Then surprise her by paying for it if I could! But anyway.... It just hit me hard that I will not see them for very long this summer.

Life evolves, we are a living evolution. No matter what relationship we talk about, It evolves. I was taught all my childhood life to not believe in evolution. How wrong that was!! This world evolves! And if you are living in it, you are evolving as well. How you evolve is probably the most important part!! The older I get there are parts of my life I look at and think," I could have done that better"! But for the most part I believe I have done the best I knew how to to at that given moment. Each relationship we are in evolves as we age. We either cultivate it, feed it and make it deeper and more meaningful, or we grow steadily away from it. This is the pain we feel as a parent, or a surrogate parent when our children grow up and move on. We want to maintain that relationship we had when they were under out care. But they become independent, they become their own person, and we have to make room for them to have their own life, or we get cut out of theirs. We may not agree with their choices, but I personally believe that our true spirit is to love them regardless! To accept them no matter how different their path is from ours. How are we supposed to know what their spiritual walk or integrity is made of, how are we supposed to live in their shoes, in their soul? We cannot!! We must trust that they have learned to follow the path best for them. The quickest way to dig a ravine between us is to start offering unsolicited advice. I have always tried to communicate to my children I am open to hear about anything, and not judge them for who they are. They "can" tell me anything, but it does not mean they will. This is true in many other relationships as well.

Today as I lay in bed thinking of what I needed to do... I was inclined to pull the covers over my head and cry. I turned on the TV and put on American Idol on the DVR, which I have never watched till this year while I have been off work. I was looking at it with the same critical look that I do at times, thinking what person will they vote off today. All of them are so talented! and Amazing that they are pursuing their dreams!! Mariah Carey was this week's mentor. I was like... "oh lord" I have always thought of her as being kinda fake. The dress code, the big boobs, etc.. just not my thing. But as I watched her talk, she was so down-to-earth, and encouraged the contestants to "be themselves", to not change who they are for anyone! Something I so very much believe in!! The youngest of the contestants was up first, and as he sang from his heart, his version of the song that Whitney Houston and Mariah had sang, the tears rolled down my face. Because for the first time in my life I heard what that song really says... I had to get out of bed and come sit here at this computer and write. One of the things I know I am destined in life to be doing. Writing! I want to share the words to this song, because it is what my soul is longing for the world to see, to hear and to believe in! Especially those closest to me, the ones I love the most!!

Many nights we prayed, with no proof anyone could hear
In our hearts a hopeful song, we barely understood
Now we are not afraid, although we know there's much to fear
We were moving mountains long, before we knew we could

Chorus:
There can be miracles, when you believe
Though hope is frail, it's hard to kill
Who knows what miracle, you can achieve
When you believe, somehow you will
You will when you believe.

In this time of fear, when prayer so often proves in vain
Hope seems like the summer birds, too swiftly flown away
Yet now I'm standing here, my heart so full I can't explain
Seeking faith and speaking words, I'd never thought I'd say

Chorus: One octave higher:
There can be miracles, When you believe (When you believe)
Though hope is frail, It's hard to kill
Who knows what miracles, You can achieve (You can achieve)
When you believe, somehow you will
You will when you believe

I trust that you are inspired today to look in the mirror and say:
I believe in me!!!
I deserve to be happy!!
I am loved!!

Peace,
AL

Music of the Heart

DO YOU HAVE A FAVORITE SONG? OR A FAVORITE BAND? OR SINGER?
I THINK WE ALL DO...
HAVE YOU EVER THOUGHT ABOUT HOW MUSIC EFFECTS YOUR MIND?
A MEMORY WILL BE BROUGHT BACK...
YOU CAN CLOSE YOUR EYES AND BE TRANSPORTED, LIKE A TIME MACHINE.
I LOVE THAT.

I USED TO LAY IN THE FLOOR IN FRONT OF MY STEREO WITH CDS STREWN ACROSS THE FLOOR LISTENING FOR HOURS. SINGING ALONG... SOMETIMES CRYING, SOMETIMES LOST IN THE MEMORIES OF WHAT A CERTAIN SONG MEANT.
WHO IT WAS THAT MADE THAT SONG SPEIAL IN MY LIFE. OR THE EVENT THAT CATAPULTED THAT SONG INTO THE "FOREVER TOP LIST" OF MY MIND!

MUSIC IS SO THERAPUTIC... IT CAN LIFT YOU UP. CLEANSE YOUR SOUL... HELP YOU WORK THROUGH THE TOUGHEST MOMENTS IN YOUR LIFE. IT INSPIRES ME! I CAN BE TOTALLY DRAGGING AND TURN ON A FAVORITE AND IT MAKES THE ENERGY SOAR!

I GUESS THOSE OF US FROM THE GEN-X CROWD ARE DIFFERENT... THE 80'S WERE AMAZING! MUSIC WAS TOTALLY AWESOME! AND I FIND I STILL NEED THAT AROUND! AND I NEED IT LOUD! TURN IT UP!!! SO I CAN FEEL IT ALL THE WAY TO MY SOUL!
THERE IS A GREAT HAPPINESS THAT COMES FROM THAT! HEAVEN HELP THOSE OF YOU WHO DO NOT KNOW THE JOY THAT MUSIC CAN BRING...

I CHALLENGE YOU TO FIND IT... IT WILL BE SOMETHING THAT STICKS WITH YOU FOR ALL TIME!
PEACE TO ALL...
GO JAM!
AL

Decide and Do...

Today I was thinking through the next few weeks of my life.
Rehab therapy comin up. To recover from the major back surgery that I had on Jan 18th.
Gona take some determination! But gettin healthy, and in better shape is what I have wanted to do! So now I have even more reason to do so!

I opened my email and here was this amazing quote passed to me from our friend Patrick. About success, and how we hold ourselves back from it, for the sheer sake of fear! Fear of acheiving it. WOW! I look around me... I am watching a show on Oprah about "the Secret". The key to overcoming the obstacles in our life. I just a few days ago watched a show on self image, and learning to look in the mirror and love what we see! On my night stand is the book, Finding My Own North Star, and beside my chair is the book "Excuse me, Your Life is Waiting".

I think to myself... What good are all of the "motivational" things in the world, if we don't do what this little word of advice suggests! Thanks P'k!! Much appreciated is the reminder to...

Decide and do
The route to success in any area of life can be summed up in a simple, easy-to-remember formula. Decide what you wish to do, and then do it.
That may seem entirely obvious, and indeed it is. Yet even though the path to success is so clear and simple, many people have great difficulty following it.
The decision of what to do can be greatly hindered by doubts, fears, insecurities and worries, as well as by confusion over priorities. To get past all that, remember that every doubt is a creation of your own mind, and deep within you is an authentic purpose that can transcend any challenge.
When it comes to taking action, there can be all sorts of justifications and excuses for not doing so. To move forward anyway, it's important to keep in mind that every moment is an opportunity to create value for your life and your world.
When you choose to do nothing with this moment, the opportunity it contains is gone forever, never to return. Choose instead to invest yourself in effective action, and the potential value of this moment is transformed into real, actual, lasting value in your life.
Decide how you can best express the values and dreams that mean so much to you. Then take step after step to successfully bring your decisions to life.
-- Ralph Marston

So let's all get to it!!! Good luck!!! Believe in yourself!!
Peace
AL

Today...Live & Love

Today is a new day, an opportunity
I allow myself to daydream!
I ask myself… Who am I?
Where am I going?

What am I doing with myself?
I live in a republican state.
I am not republican.
Live in a country that has more support,
for death penalty than gay marriage.

My family loves me…
But deep down believe my life dooms me to hell.
I was raised Christian.
Today I am spiritual.
God is a part of my life, and I feel accepted and loved.

My memory is not what it once was,
I am not physically where I want to be.
At 37, I feel I have lived the life of at least a 50 yr old.
And I really think age is just a number…
You are only as old as you feel!

I believe as children, we can be victims
As adults, I believe we are only put upon when we allow it.
People can only do to us, what we allow them to do!
Take care of yourself! At home, at work, wherever you go!
Believe in yourself! It pays off!!!

I am eternally blessed! I know what it’s like to love and be loved!
No, not just butterflies. Not just romance…
Partnership, commitment, facing fears!
Being treated as an equal!!
That is real love! Sharing ALL of life!

I am proud to be a father!
I am proud that I have the right to be free!
I am proud to be American!
Proud to be a dual citizen of Canada.
And proud to share my life with a man!

I detest labels! Must we all fit in a box?
Gay? Straight? Republican? Democrat?
Baptist? Pentecostal? Agnostic?
Why must we put things in a labeled category?
LIVE and Let Live!!!

inspiration...

Today I have been flooded with emotions... dunno if I am just havin a day...
or if I am meant to reach someone today.
Maybe just time for me "wash my windows", soul search...
Maybe just life...

Kirk Franklin's "Tribe of Judah" Choir came on Ellen singing...

"Lately I've been going through some things that's really got me down
I need someone, somebody to come and help me turn my life around
I can't explain it I can't contain it , Jesus your love is so, it's so Amazing!
It gets me high, up to the sky, and when I think about your goodness
It makes me wanna Stomp!
makes me clap my hands! Makes me wanna dance! Stomp!
My brother can't you see, I've got the victory! Stomp!"

When I hear a choir it makes me feel so good...
Makes me wanna dance... I was sitting here in tears...
I have spent so much time thinkin of my friend who passed away.
Saddened by the void, and as always, wondering why?
We were not close friends, but had spent a fair bit of time talking online.

Life is so full...
Full of pain, full of expectations, full of disappointments.
Maybe sometimes we create some of those.
Maybe we even feed hem or make them worse, but nevertheless, they are real.
to us anyway... whether anyone else sees or feels them.
And who are we to judge what someone feels?

I was inspired and uplifted today!
Whatever you are dealing with,
Whatever you face, I hope you find what it is to help you deal...
Always know that there is someone out there going through something simular.
and even if they don't know how to communicate it...
There is certainly people out there who care!
peace
al

Big Boy Angels

So was a windy, sunny day in Texas like so many others. I went through my routine like that I have developed since having surgery. Moving slow... dressing myself... feeling a bit of pain, taking my meds, using my walker to pass through the house. Lamenting not getting our living room painted before my surgery, people are coming over for Robb's birthday party. Would have loved to get the bathroom painted in the hall... oh well. Having my lunch that my soulmate made me before he left for work. Watching TV, talked to some people from work who checked on me to see how I am doing. Was nice to be missed! I called my Dr to ask about my sore ribs. apparently it's quite normal after a surgery like mine to have symptoms like bruised ribs. Write my journal... talk to my mom. Text from a friend to see how I am improving post-surgery.

There is so much that runs through my mind. I know Robb is going through emotions dealing with his divorce. Even though it's been a long time comin, things have changed, and the way he had planned for the divorce to be executed got nixed by others being vendictive. My daughter has gone through things this year becoming a young woman that I guess I had hoped she would not have to go through. I have struggled to communicate with her as openly as possible. She is too much like me I fear...

I think through the process of my upcoming therapy and Rehab. And I go through the whole thing in my mind... will power.. will power.. will power...

Then...
a friend messaged me... to tell me that a friend of ours had passed away. That he'd found it too difficult to be here and deal anymore... I was so stunned... When chills run down my spine it is different. I have metal back there now. My heart ached... I thought, what could I have done? called more often? emailed? said something more? Such a good guy.. a good looking man! I had to stop and reflect... to be grateful for getting to know him while he was here.
and to know that now there is yet another "Big Boy Angel" on the other side lookin out for me!
We will miss ya B!!
PEACE

True Equality = JUST ME

TODAY I HAVE BEEN OVERWHELMED WITH THE THOUGHTS ON HOW WE AS A SOCIETY ARE SUCH LABEL FANATICS. WE ARE BROUGHT UP TO BELIEVE THAT EVERYTHING SHOULD FIT WITHIN A PATTERN, FOLLOW A PATH, AND BE A PART OF SOME GREATER GROUP. WE IN THE UNITED STATES, I BELIEVE, ARE SOME OF THE WORST FOR THIS... DEMANDING COMFORMITY! TO FIT INTO A PARTICULAR PARTY, A CERTAIN SECTOR, OR FOLLOW A LEADER WITHOUT QUESTION.

WE PUBLISH MAGAZINES TO SELL PRODUCT... BUT MORESO TO LET US SEE WHAT "PERFECTION" IS! THIS IS HOW WE SHOULD LOOK... FASHION MODELS ARE ANEREXIC AND OUR KIDS DOLLS ARE FASHIONED TO BE SHOWING SOME KIND OF SEX APPEAL. GIRLS TODAY ARE GROWING UP SO FAST... LAY DOWN THE DOLL, PICK UP THE MAKEUP, BY 12 THEY LOOK LIKE THE PATHETIC POP ROCK STAR STAR. WHO IS NOW SPIRALING OUT OF CONTROL ON DRUGS, PARTIES, TWO KIDS, DIVORCED AND THE MEDIA ONLY MAKES IT A HAYDAY OF FEEDING US MORE OF HER MISTAKES. OH NO WAIT!!! SHE'S A ROLE MODEL.. UR WUZ.. IS.."OH I AM CONFUSED"!!

TURN ON THE NET... LETS SEE... SELL YOU SOMETHING TO MAKE YOU LOSE WEIGHT, ENLARGE YOUR PENIS, AND LIVE FOREVER. EXCEPT... THOSE WEIGHTLOSSWONDERPILL... TRIMSPA.. ISN'T THIER MODEL DEAD NOW? LEAVIN BEHIND HER CHILD FOR THE UNKNOWN FATHER SHE NEVER MARRIED TO FIGHT OVER HER? AND, IF THERE WAS NO $$$, IF SPOKESPERSON MOM HAD STILL BEEN LIVING IN THAT TRAILER SHE WAS RAISED IN WHEN SHE DIED, WOULD ANY MAN HAVE BEEN FIGHTING FOR THAT BABY?

2008 ROLLS AROUND, I WENT SHOPPING FOR AN EYE ANDY CALENDAR. SOMETHING I HAVE DONE EVERY YEAR FOR YEARS. THAT BEAUTIFUL HUNKY MAN TO GREET YOU EACH MORNING AS U GET READY FOR WORK. HMMM... THAT MAGAZINE THAT YOU SUBSCRIBE TO.. THE LATEST FASHION... ARE U EVER GONNA BE A SIZE 3? HELL NO!
MILES AND MILES OF WEB PAGES, JUST THE NEXT CLICK OF THE MOUSE BRINGS THE SCROLLING PIX OF THE HOT YOUNG THING. PERFECT SKIN, PERFECT BODY, MAKING US LUST AFTER THEM, WISH TO BE THEM, OR HAVE ONE OF THEM IN OUR BED. MICHEAL JACKSON SANG IT.. P.Y.T. PAGE AFTER PAGE, HOURS, DAYS SLIP BY.... WHO CAN'T GET LOST LOOKING AT BEAUTIFUL PEOPLE? BUT WHAT DOES IT DO TO OUR SELF WORTH? I THINK I AM LEARNING IT ONLY MAKES ME DISLIKE WHAT I SEE IN THE MIRROR EVEN MORE. SO WHY DO THAT TO MYSELF? WHY COMPARE MYSELF TO 7% OF THE WORLDS POPULATION? FOR REAL... LESS THAT 7% OF THE WORLDS POPULATION EVER ENDS UP ON TV, IN A MAGAZINE OR IN THE NEWS. AND THAT INCLUDES SHOWS LIKE COPS AND THE TRASH MAGS. SO THE"SO CALLED" BEAUTIFUL PORTION IS EVEN LESS THAN THAT.

I AM DECIDING THAT I AM WORTH MORE THAN THAT. THAT IT SHOULD NOT MATTER IF I AM A GUY OR A GAL. THAT IT IS IRRELIVANT WHETHER I SLEEP WITH A MAN, A WOMAN OR BOTH! BEING REPUBLICAN, DEMOCRAT, OR INDEPENDANT DOES NOT DEFINE WHO I AM! NOR DOES BEING BUDDIST, PENTECOSTAL, BAPTIST, AGNOSTIC OR WHATEVER... NONE OF THESE DEFINE ME AS A PERSON!! THEY ARE LABELS! THEY ALL HAVE REASON, THEY ALL HAVE WORTH. BUT WHAT IS MORE IMPORTANT IS THE PERSON... ME!! ME AS A PERSON HAS MORE WORTH!!! IT MATTERS NOT WHO I LOVE, WHO I AM MARRIED TO, WHO I DIVORCE, WHO I HANG WITH OR DECIDE I DO NOT WANT TO HANG WITH... NONE OF THOSE ATE THE DEFINITION OF ME!!

SHOULD YOU BE JUDGED BECAUSE YOU LIKE PURPLE? OR BECAUSE YOU LIKE TO EAT YOUR CORN MIXED WITH YOUR MASHED POTATOES? YOU LIKE BJORK... OK... WE CAN OVERLOOK THAT... lol!

ALL I AM SAYIN IS "WHEN DID WE BECOME SO DAMN JUDGMENTAL?" I REALLY DISLIKE IT ABOUT MYSELF... I WANT PEOPLE TO ALWAYS FEEL THEY CAN BE THEMSELVES WHEN THEY ARE IN MY COMPANY. AND ALL YOU CHRISTIANS OUT THERE!! YEA I AM TALKIN TO YOU! YOU WANT TO LIVE LIKE CHRIST? THEN LOVE... LOVE=ACEPTANCE LOVE EVERYONE!!! THAT'S WHAT CHRIST SAID!!!
E V E R Y O N E !
YEP.. ALL OF EM... BLACK, WHITE, MEXICAN,FAGS,STR8, BI, FANATICS, REPUBLICANS, DEMOCRATS.... YOU HEARD IT!!!
EVERYONE!!!

PAUL McCARTNEY WROTE "EBONY AND IVORY" IN 1982... HE AND STEVIE WONDER SANG ABOUT HOW THERE IS GOOD AND BAD IN EVERYONE. BLACK & WHITE LIVING SIDE BY SIDE... GOD BLESS EM!!!

MICHEAL JACKSON AND LIONEL RICHIE ORGANIZED "WE ARE THE WORLD" ALONG WITH OTHER SINGERS IN 1985 IN THE "USA FOR AFRICA" RAISING MONEY FOR STARVING PEOPLE... BUT WHAT ABOUT HERE IN OUR OWN CITY? OUR OWN STATE? OUR OWN COUNTRY?
WE DON'T EVEN HAVE MANDATORY RECYCLING IN THE MAJOR CITIES IN THIS COUNTRY. WHAT ARE WE DOING TO CONSERVE ANYTHING FOR OUR CHILDREN?
THE POPULATION OF THE USA IS LIKE 7% OF THE WORLDS POPULATION, YET WE USE 33% OF THE RESOURCES USED UP IN THE WORLD EACH DAY.
NO WONDER WE ARE LOOKED AT AS THE ARROGANT AMERICANS... MAYBE WE SHOULD LOOK IN THE MIRROR... AND GO OMG!!!
FAT... WASTEFUL... JUDGMENTAL... PORN ADDICT... CHICKENSHIT!!!
GROW SOME BALLS... STAND UP FOR WHAT YOU WANT.. FOR WHO YOU ARE.. LIVE YOUR DREAMS... GO GET THEM... STOP WAITING ON THE WORLD TO BRING THEM TO YOU!!! CAUSE YOUR LIFE WILL PASS YOU BY AND YOUR DREAMS WILL MELT LIKE SPRING SNOW...

MAYBE I SHOULD HAVE TITLED THIS AFTER THE HEART SONG "TELL IT LIKE IT IS"
MAYBE I WRITING MORE TO MYSELF THAN ANYONE ELSE... EITHER WAY...
I HOPE IT STRIKES A CHORD WITH SOMEONE! IF IT PISSES YOU OFF.. WELL GOOD... THEN AT LEAST YOU GOT YOUR COALS STOKED TODAY! CAUSE I WANNA BE YOUR FRIEND... BUT I WANT YOU TO ALWAYS BE KNOWIN WHAT I THINK.. AND WHERE WE STAND!!!
al

Zealot Ignorance

THIS WEEK WAS A SAD WEEK... THE LOSS OF HEATH LEDGER MADE ME SAD! SUCH AN AMAZING ACTOR, FATHER, AND SUPPORTER OF CIVIL RIGHTS. A RUGGEDLY GOOD LOOKING GENTLEMAN, HE COULD PLAY THE KNIGHT OR THE GENTLEMAN, THE SUAVE LOVER OR THE CLOSETED COWPOKE. TO THINK SUCH A TALENTED YOUNG MAN WAS FIGHTING WITH INSOMNIA ISSUES THAT LED TO HIS DEATH WAS VERY SAD TO HEAR....

WHAT IS EVEN MORE SAD IS TO HEAR THAT REV. PHELPS AND HIS BAND OF IDIOTS ARE PLANNING TO PICKET THE FUNERAL. THAT THIS IS THE WRATH OF GOD BEING SERVED UP TO THOSE WHO ARE GAY OR IN THIS CASE SUPPORTED AND "ACTED" GAY. AS IF GOD IS SITTING, WAITING TO PUNISH SOMEONE FOR THEIR PART IN A MOVIE, A PLAY OR MUSICAL. WHAT KIND OF SMALL-MINDED IDIOTS DO WE SHARE THIS GLOBE WITH?

I AM SO TIRED OF GOD BEING USED FOR THE BENEFIT OF WHAT MAKES EVERYONE FEEL SUPERIOR. FOR THE USE OF PASSING JUDGEMENT OR GETTING THEIR AGENDA ON THE BILLBOARD. WHEN CHRIST WAS ON THIS EARTH, HE THREW PEOPLE LIKE YOU OUT OF THE TEMPLE!!!!

"BE NOT DECEIVED, GOD IS NOT MOCKED" GAL 6:7

AND WHAT A MOCKERY IT IS THAT PEOPLE LIKE REV PHELPS USE THE NAME OF GOD TO JUDGE OTHERS. TO PREACH HATE!! TO DEMEAN THE MEMORIES OF GOOD PEOPLE HERE ON THIS EARTH. WHO ARE WE TO JUDGE? I SAY HYPOCRITES!!!

JUDGE NOT LEST YE BE JUDGED!!!

Let's look at the passage in its context:
MATTHEW 7:1-5:
"Judge not, that ye be not judged. For with what judgment ye judge, ye shall be judged: and with what measure ye mete, it shall be measured to you again. And why beholdest thou the mote that is in thy brother's eye, but considerest not the beam that is in thine own eye? Or how wilt thou say to thy brother, Let me pull the mote out of thine eye; and behold, a beam is in thine own eye? Thou hypocrite, first cast out the beam out of thine own eye; and then shalt thou see clearly to cast the mote out of thy brother's eye."
Clearly, it is hypocritical judgment that this Scripture condemns. (Look at verse 6, and 13-15 to see that Christ actually instructs them to make judgments!) A hypocritical judgment is judging something for something of which you are also guilty - LIKE TELLING ME NOT TO JUDGE WHEN YOU ARE JUDGING ME! This passage means the opposite of what hypocrites often interpret it to mean! Jesus’ point is for hypocrites to pluck the beam of sin out of their own eye so that they can see clearly to cast the mote out of their neighbor’s eye.
Let's look at some other Scriptures...
JOHN 7:14: "Judge not according to appearance, but judge righteous judgment."
LUKE 12:57: "Yea, and why not even of yourselves judge ye not what is right?"
PSALM 37:30: "The mouth of the righteous speaketh wisdom, and his tongue talketh of judgment."
PROVERBS 31:9: "Open thy mouth, judge righteously, and plead the cause of the poor and needy."
LUKE 17:3: "Take heed... If thy brother trespass against thee, rebuke him; and if he repent, forgive him."
LEVITICUS 19:15-17: "Ye shall do no unrighteousness in judgment: thou shalt not respect the person of the poor, nor honour the person of the mighty: but in righteousness shalt thou judge thy neighbor. Thou shalt not go up and down as a talebearer among thy people: neither shalt thou stand against the blood of thy neighbor: I am the Lord. Thou shalt not hate thy brother in thine heart: thou shalt in any wise rebuke thy neighbor, and not suffer sin upon him."
EZEKIEL 22:2 & 23:36: "Now, thou son of man, wilt thou judge, wilt thou judge the bloody city? Yea, thou shalt show her all her abominations... The Lord said moreover unto me, Son of man, wilt thou judge Aholah and Aholibah? Yea, declare unto them their abominations."
ISAIAH 58:1: "Cry aloud, spare not, lift up thy voice like a trumpet, and shew My people their transgression, and the house of Jacob their sins."
MATTHEW 3:2,7: John the Baptist preaching, "Repent ye: for the kingdom of heaven is at hand. But when he saw many of the Pharisees and Sadducees come to his baptism, he said unto them, O generation of vipers, who hath warned you to flee from the wrath to come?"
MATTHEW 23: Jesus publicly rebuked the hypocrites, "Woe unto you... hypocrites!...ye blind guides...fools...full of extortion and excess...whited sepulchres...full of hypocrisy and iniquity...Woe unto you...Ye serpents, ye generation of vipers, how can ye escape the damnation of hell?"
ACTS 7:51: Deacon Stephen said to the mob that ended up stoning him, "Ye stiffnecked and uncircumcised in hearts and ears, ye do always resist the Holy Ghost: as your fathers did, so do ye." (Read the whole chapter - No fear-of-man patty cake here!)
ACTS 13:10: The Apostle Paul says to a man who hindered the Gospel, "O full of all subtilty and all mischief, thou child of the devil, thou enemy of all righteousness, wilt thou not cease to pervert the right ways of the Lord?"
ACTS 8:20-23: Here the Apostle Peter severely rebukes a baby Christian who commits one sin: "Thy money perish with thee... Thy heart is not right in the sight of God.Repent therefore of this thy wickedness, and pray God, if perhaps the thought of thine heart may be forgiven thee.For I perceive that thou art in the gall of bitter-ness, and in the bond of iniquity."
I CORINTHIANS 2:15; 6:2-3: "He that is spiritual judgeth all things... Do ye not know that the saints shall judge the world? and if the world be judged by you, are ye unworthy to judge the smallest matters? Know ye not that we shall judge angels? How much more things that pertain to this life?"
JOHN 3:18-19: "He that believeth on Him (JESUS) is not condemned: but he that believeth not is condemned already,because he hath not believed in the name of the only begotten Son of God. And this is the condemnation, that light is come into the world, and men loved darkness rather than light, because their deeds were evil."
JOHN 12:48: JESUS CHRIST said, "He that rejecteth Me, and receiveth not My words, hath one that judgeth him: the word that I have spoken, the same shall judge him in the last day."

SO WHEN YOU FEEL LIKE YOU ARE GOD! WHEN YOU FEEL LIKE YOU HAVE TAKEN CARE OF ALL THE ISSUES IN YOUR LIFE... CALL ME UP, SEND ME AN EMAIL..
AND WE WILL TALK ABOUT THIS AGAIN!

UNTIL THEN... ALL YOU ZEALOTS OUT THERE, KEEP YOUR IGNORANCE TO YOURSELF!!
AND WORK ON CLEANING YOUR OWN DOORSTEP, LEST IT BE YOUR TURN FOR GOD TO UNLEASH HIS WRATH ON YOU.. OR ALL YOUR NUMBER!!!

TILL THEN...
PEACE TO ALL
AL

Tin Man...

SO IT'S BEEN A WHILE SINE I'VE WRITTEN... LIFE GETS SO FULL
ITS 2008.. WOW WHERE DOES TIME GO? AND I TURNED 37. I HAD THE MOST AMAZING BIRTHDAY I CAN EVER REMEMBER... THANKS TO MR AMAZING!
YES YOU SEE I GET TO SHARE MY LIFE EVERY DAY WITH MR AMAZING! HE IS MY SOULMATE!
IF YOU HAVE NOT MET HIM YOU ARE MISSING OUT. HE MAKES ME SMILE AND IS MY BEST FRIEND! THIS YEAR FOR MY BIRTHDAY HE SPENT THE ENTIRE DAY MAKING IT "ALL ABOUT ME". AS IF IT ISN'T ALREADY... I MEAN, HE DOES THAT OFTEN! TOOK ME TO SEE PS:I LOVE YOU.. GERARD BUTLER... WOW.. IT WAS THE BEST ROMANTIC COMEDY I HAVE SEEN IN YEARS... AND THE YOU CRITICS SAID "PS YOU'RE NOT GONNA LOVE IT" GAVE IT A B-.. WHAT ARE YOU ON CRACK? UNREAL... YOU CRITICS MUCT HAVE LOST ALL SENSE OF EMOTION AND ADVENTURE. WHAT IF IT DOESN'T HAVE SPECIAL EFFECTS OR SOMEONE DOESN' T DIE OR TURN INTO SOME SPACE AGE- ANIMAE CREATURE IT IS NO GOOD... W H A T E V E R!!!!

I GOT THE MOST BEAUTIFUL WATCH FOR MY BIRTHDAY THAT I HAVE EVER OWNED... IT IS PERPETUAL MOTION... KINDA LIKE MY MOUTH ON AND A.D.D. DAY... lol SO IT NEVER NEEDS A BATTERY. ITS CHUNKY AND SILVER... I BELEIVE IT WAS REFERED TO AS MY "BUTCH" WATCH.
REGARDLESS.. I TOTALLY LOVE IT!!! AMAZING HOW TIME SLIPS BY... MY KIDS ARE NOW 15 AND 17... UH HUH, WITH THE 17 YR OLD THINKIN SHE'S 21. YEA THAT'S A WHOLE OTHER BLOG.

SO... I HAVE BEEN OFF WORK SINCE DEC 18TH OR SO... I HAVE TO GO FOR BACK SURGERY. NOT JUST A MINOR ONE... TWO DISCS REPLACED... AT FIRST I WAS LIKE NO WAY! BUT AFTER GOING THROUGH TREATMENTS OF ALL TYPES I HAVE CONTINUOUSLY GOTTEN WORSE...
LEG AND HIP PAIN... NUMBNESS...
SO IN 6 HOURS FROM NOW I GET TITANIUM A TAILBONE... lol OK WELL NOT LITERALLY.. BU MIGHT AS WELL BE... 2 PLASTIC DISCS, FUSING AND SCREWS WITH LITTLE RODS... SO AS FAR AS THE RESEARCH SHOWS IT WILL FIX THE PROBLEM. I AM HAVING FAITH IT WILL...
TODAY I GOT MY CORSET.. THIS WONDERFUL WEIGHT LOSS DEVICE MADE FOR SQUEEZIN YOU UP TIGHT SO U CAN ONLY SIP UR DRINK AND EAT A BITE OR TWO AT A TIME... IN 90 DAYS I SHOULD BE SLIM.. TRIM.. AND TITANIUM!!!!