Today is such a good day!
I have learned so much in the last few hours. I could go on and on about those things...
But the most important one is this!
I made myself a promise! A pledge!
I WILL NOT SHOW UP FOR ANOTHER DAY OF MY LIFE WITHOUT BEING TOTALLY MYSELF!!To show up in my life as myself an not an imitation of what people want to see!
I am promising myself to be present in every day, every hour and every moment of my life!
To live life to the fullest and in the way I see fit. I have always filled my life with doing things I believe in.. but sometimes I have hushed myself for fear of not wanting to make anyone uncomfortable.
No longer! I will say NO! When I don't agree, I will say so. When I feel I need to be myself I simply will be!
I promise myself to believe in myself. Every day! To look at myself in a new light...
and to kick dirt in the face of negativity!!
I hope if you read this that you take the challenge to believe in you!!
Don't let anyone tell you are anything less than beautiful! Worthy!
Have a great day!
Peace
AL
Thursday, April 17, 2008
Wednesday, April 16, 2008
Miracles
Today was one of those days when I woke, that I just wanted to stay in bed. Sadly I seem to be having too many of them lately! I could go on about why... From not working, being off work post surgery, to just feeling like I am failing in some important areas of my life. I got news yesterday that this summer, I will only see my kids for about 5 or 6 days. They are getting older. My daughter has a job now. And don't get me wrong, I am proud of her!! She is saving money to go to Israel for an amazing trip. I'd love to have the money to just pay her way. I'd wait, let her work to pay her way, as I feel that is good learning experience. Then surprise her by paying for it if I could! But anyway.... It just hit me hard that I will not see them for very long this summer.
Life evolves, we are a living evolution. No matter what relationship we talk about, It evolves. I was taught all my childhood life to not believe in evolution. How wrong that was!! This world evolves! And if you are living in it, you are evolving as well. How you evolve is probably the most important part!! The older I get there are parts of my life I look at and think," I could have done that better"! But for the most part I believe I have done the best I knew how to to at that given moment. Each relationship we are in evolves as we age. We either cultivate it, feed it and make it deeper and more meaningful, or we grow steadily away from it. This is the pain we feel as a parent, or a surrogate parent when our children grow up and move on. We want to maintain that relationship we had when they were under out care. But they become independent, they become their own person, and we have to make room for them to have their own life, or we get cut out of theirs. We may not agree with their choices, but I personally believe that our true spirit is to love them regardless! To accept them no matter how different their path is from ours. How are we supposed to know what their spiritual walk or integrity is made of, how are we supposed to live in their shoes, in their soul? We cannot!! We must trust that they have learned to follow the path best for them. The quickest way to dig a ravine between us is to start offering unsolicited advice. I have always tried to communicate to my children I am open to hear about anything, and not judge them for who they are. They "can" tell me anything, but it does not mean they will. This is true in many other relationships as well.
Today as I lay in bed thinking of what I needed to do... I was inclined to pull the covers over my head and cry. I turned on the TV and put on American Idol on the DVR, which I have never watched till this year while I have been off work. I was looking at it with the same critical look that I do at times, thinking what person will they vote off today. All of them are so talented! and Amazing that they are pursuing their dreams!! Mariah Carey was this week's mentor. I was like... "oh lord" I have always thought of her as being kinda fake. The dress code, the big boobs, etc.. just not my thing. But as I watched her talk, she was so down-to-earth, and encouraged the contestants to "be themselves", to not change who they are for anyone! Something I so very much believe in!! The youngest of the contestants was up first, and as he sang from his heart, his version of the song that Whitney Houston and Mariah had sang, the tears rolled down my face. Because for the first time in my life I heard what that song really says... I had to get out of bed and come sit here at this computer and write. One of the things I know I am destined in life to be doing. Writing! I want to share the words to this song, because it is what my soul is longing for the world to see, to hear and to believe in! Especially those closest to me, the ones I love the most!!
Many nights we prayed, with no proof anyone could hear
In our hearts a hopeful song, we barely understood
Now we are not afraid, although we know there's much to fear
We were moving mountains long, before we knew we could
Chorus:
There can be miracles, when you believe
Though hope is frail, it's hard to kill
Who knows what miracle, you can achieve
When you believe, somehow you will
You will when you believe.
In this time of fear, when prayer so often proves in vain
Hope seems like the summer birds, too swiftly flown away
Yet now I'm standing here, my heart so full I can't explain
Seeking faith and speaking words, I'd never thought I'd say
Chorus: One octave higher:
There can be miracles, When you believe (When you believe)
Though hope is frail, It's hard to kill
Who knows what miracles, You can achieve (You can achieve)
When you believe, somehow you will
You will when you believe
I trust that you are inspired today to look in the mirror and say:
I believe in me!!!
I deserve to be happy!!
I am loved!!
Peace,
AL
Life evolves, we are a living evolution. No matter what relationship we talk about, It evolves. I was taught all my childhood life to not believe in evolution. How wrong that was!! This world evolves! And if you are living in it, you are evolving as well. How you evolve is probably the most important part!! The older I get there are parts of my life I look at and think," I could have done that better"! But for the most part I believe I have done the best I knew how to to at that given moment. Each relationship we are in evolves as we age. We either cultivate it, feed it and make it deeper and more meaningful, or we grow steadily away from it. This is the pain we feel as a parent, or a surrogate parent when our children grow up and move on. We want to maintain that relationship we had when they were under out care. But they become independent, they become their own person, and we have to make room for them to have their own life, or we get cut out of theirs. We may not agree with their choices, but I personally believe that our true spirit is to love them regardless! To accept them no matter how different their path is from ours. How are we supposed to know what their spiritual walk or integrity is made of, how are we supposed to live in their shoes, in their soul? We cannot!! We must trust that they have learned to follow the path best for them. The quickest way to dig a ravine between us is to start offering unsolicited advice. I have always tried to communicate to my children I am open to hear about anything, and not judge them for who they are. They "can" tell me anything, but it does not mean they will. This is true in many other relationships as well.
Today as I lay in bed thinking of what I needed to do... I was inclined to pull the covers over my head and cry. I turned on the TV and put on American Idol on the DVR, which I have never watched till this year while I have been off work. I was looking at it with the same critical look that I do at times, thinking what person will they vote off today. All of them are so talented! and Amazing that they are pursuing their dreams!! Mariah Carey was this week's mentor. I was like... "oh lord" I have always thought of her as being kinda fake. The dress code, the big boobs, etc.. just not my thing. But as I watched her talk, she was so down-to-earth, and encouraged the contestants to "be themselves", to not change who they are for anyone! Something I so very much believe in!! The youngest of the contestants was up first, and as he sang from his heart, his version of the song that Whitney Houston and Mariah had sang, the tears rolled down my face. Because for the first time in my life I heard what that song really says... I had to get out of bed and come sit here at this computer and write. One of the things I know I am destined in life to be doing. Writing! I want to share the words to this song, because it is what my soul is longing for the world to see, to hear and to believe in! Especially those closest to me, the ones I love the most!!
Many nights we prayed, with no proof anyone could hear
In our hearts a hopeful song, we barely understood
Now we are not afraid, although we know there's much to fear
We were moving mountains long, before we knew we could
Chorus:
There can be miracles, when you believe
Though hope is frail, it's hard to kill
Who knows what miracle, you can achieve
When you believe, somehow you will
You will when you believe.
In this time of fear, when prayer so often proves in vain
Hope seems like the summer birds, too swiftly flown away
Yet now I'm standing here, my heart so full I can't explain
Seeking faith and speaking words, I'd never thought I'd say
Chorus: One octave higher:
There can be miracles, When you believe (When you believe)
Though hope is frail, It's hard to kill
Who knows what miracles, You can achieve (You can achieve)
When you believe, somehow you will
You will when you believe
I trust that you are inspired today to look in the mirror and say:
I believe in me!!!
I deserve to be happy!!
I am loved!!
Peace,
AL
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