Disturbia

Have you ever given any thot to how close to the edge of sanity we all live? Are we safely sane... or is there a fine line that teeters nearby as we speed along life's highway? Like a cliff, ready for us to make the wrong turn, or travel just a bit too fast and go speeding over the edge. One can even wonder if through all the shit life throws at us, if we momentarily hang out over the edge of said cliff. Like a bird flying or the darting of the frogs tongue...
So we go through life looking, sorting through the "stuff" we've been given to deal with. Our baggage if you would. Our childhood, littered with memories of our favorite things, but sometimes erie with bad things that happened to us. Leaving scars that we have to deal with. the teen years when we wanted to be an adult but were not, yet many of us were doing adult-like things. These leave twisted edges on our minds and our memories. They distort our ability to keep track of time, and where things fit in the boxes of when they happened.
Then we jump off into relationships... we tend to connect with someone who seems to understand us. But ultimately we find that we are attracted to people because we need something from each other. This is where expectations are established. Then when not fulfilled, that relationship is tossed aside to move on to the next. As we navigate through our life growing into our experiences, we meet new challenges. We find those who can help us along the way. make friends, some of who have the best of intentions. they get sidetracked, they get selfish. it becomes less fun than we remembered so we move on. Great people come into our lives! We fall in love, we get hurt. We grow! learn about ourselves and the fabric we are made of... we cautiously refocus and move ahead, onward, upward! And if we pay attention we take the lessons to heart! otherwise we only settle to whine about what others have done to us all our lives and never take any responsibility for our own actions. This is when it becomes so easy to pick everyone around us apart about how they are doing everything wrong when really we are only trying to draw attention away from our own issues. All the while we are dishing out vile treatment to the ones we love, hurting them, belittling them, destroying them.
If we are lucky, we meet a soulmate in this world. someone who is a best friend and a lover. Who you can be yourself, no matter how low or how high you are... the person that knows the darkest secrets and still loves you. who helps you drag those skeletons to the curb and break em to bits.
And the one who loves you like no other ever loves you! The reality to this is that the soul mate then is the closest, and the ones closest end up hurting us the most. it is true! Not because they mean to, not because they set out to, but because they are fallible. They are human just like we are... yet somehow we expect them to be without fault. We have in our head, that the soul mate will never say or do anything that hurts us. But they know the truth about us! they know the person we really are. And they are most likely the only one brave enough to tell us the truth. And the cold hard truth is what we really need to hear. We will not grow unless we do... sadly when we do hear it, we feel pain. We will most likely retaliate. And unless there is an ability to act like adults, to think clearly and be rational, a power struggle starts.

I saw the most profound billboard when I was in WV for my daughter's Grad.
WHEN THE POWER OF LOVE IS GREATER THAN THE LOVE OF POWER,
THERE WILL BE PEACE, EVERYWHERE!!!

That will forever stick with me! In fact one day, I may have it tattooed on my body!
Because this truly says it all... when we stop to think that so much craziness in this world is all about power. it is really true! In our relationships, we get in a power struggle to see who is right... who knows best! Trouble is neither party really knows shit! all they know is the experiences they have been through that have shaped their minds, and then they compare the person in front of them to those people in the past. WOW! That's helpful... so let me dissect you and tell you how you hurt me, how you make me feel used, put upon, because I know these feelings! I know them, cause, Mommie, and auntie Laquisha, and uncle comb over all made me have these feelings when I was a kid! And I can't handle this because that one friend i had made me feel used and abused cause I let them in, so now I am settin you beside her, and I see similarities... DAMN! Do we not see we are destroying the people who love us by draggin all this shit along with us. when do we ever let go of any of that and decide I want to be well! I want to have a relationship now! I don't care if my soulmate has similarities to things in my past, that doesn't take away the love we share! that doesn't take away the good communication we are capable of... unless I bury it in drama! When I decide to give love a chance, then my life changes! I know this because I live it! being loved like no other, like never before is amazing! but it does not take away the fact that the two people in love with each other are less than perfect. that they are still going to make mistakes.. and need forgiveness. Words will be spoken in haste that each one will say sorry for...They are going to face new issues as time and factors of life evolve. If we think for a moment we can have it remain the same forever then that is a fantasy! there are so many factors involved. And yes our pasts will always play a part... but they don't have to destroy it! and we don't have to be so buried in little things that we lose sight of the whole picture... I think we forget to appreciate what we have! Get so caught up in our own personal drama that we forget to appreciate the other party. That is sad! I want to always take time to be grateful for the love I share! For the moments to be cherished... I want to build memories, share adventures, and love! Love with all my heart... Every day!! for that is what my soulmate deserves! and that is the kind of man I want to be....

Peace to you all
AL